10/14/19
my life is literally falling apart and it is soul wrenching
9/19/19
deleted all my journals because i felt weird
5/19/19
36, 38, 52, 14, 44, 28, 52, 32, 36, 26, 40, 30, 24, 26, 40, 34, 24, 12, 18, 26, 52, 30, 16, 50, 12, 14, 36, 42, 44, 44, 30, 30, 36, 32, 44, 14, 38, 36, 16, 36, 16, 40, 24, 26, 26, 52, 50, 44, 52, 26, 24, 14, 38, 44, 18, 30, 24, 26, 40, 24, 26, 44, 36, 26, 44, 10, 36, 14, 52, 50, 30, 4, 36, 18, 44, 48, 44, 26, 14, 30, 4, 46, 36, 16, 48, 24, 10, 44, 18, 44, 46, 14, 38, 52, 14, 36, 14, 36, 16, 26, 14, 26, 24, 18, 28, 52, 30, 14, 24, 26, 24, 14, 50, 44, 52, 50, 30, 44, 14, 24, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 16, 36, 26, 4, 24, 12, 18, 28, 36, 26, 46, 52, 22, 22, 52, 18, 44, 26, 14, 30, 4, 36, 14, 16, 48, 52, 30, 30, 44, 46, 52, 22, 38, 52, 26, 14, 52, 16, 36, 52, 36, 42, 4, 24, 12, 42, 36, 26, 46, 4, 24, 12, 18, 16, 44, 30, 42, 8, 52, 26, 14, 36, 26, 40, 14, 24, 30, 24, 24, 32, 36, 14, 12, 22, 8, 38, 44, 26, 44, 10, 44, 18, 36, 14, 18, 4, 14, 24, 36, 28, 52, 40, 36, 26, 44, 52, 26, 4, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 24, 50, 34, 44, 48, 14, 16, 22, 44, 24, 22, 30, 44, 44, 14, 48, 36, 34, 12, 16, 14, 16, 44, 44, 46, 52, 18, 32, 26, 44, 16, 16, 42, 24, 18, 44, 6, 52, 28, 22, 30, 44, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 52, 26, 24, 18, 52, 26, 40, 44, 36, 32, 26, 24, 8, 8, 38, 52, 14, 48, 24, 30, 24, 18, 36, 14, 16, 16, 12, 22, 22, 24, 16, 44, 46, 14, 24, 50, 44, 52, 26, 46, 14, 38, 52, 14, 36, 14, 46, 50, 44, 18, 24, 12, 26, 46, 50, 12, 14, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 16, 44, 44, 36, 14, 36, 26, 28, 4, 38, 44, 52, 46, 42, 52, 48, 44, 16, 52, 18, 44, 14, 38, 44, 8, 24, 18, 16, 14, 14, 38, 24, 12, 40, 38, 36, 42, 36, 46, 24, 26, 14, 16, 44, 44, 16, 24, 28, 44, 24, 26, 44, 42, 24, 18, 52, 30, 24, 26, 40, 14, 36, 28, 44, 36, 42, 24, 18, 40, 44, 14, 8, 38, 52, 14, 14, 38, 44, 4, 30, 24, 24, 32, 30, 36, 32, 44, 48, 24, 28, 22, 30, 44, 14, 44, 30, 4, 52, 26, 46, 36, 8, 24, 12, 30, 46, 26, 14, 50, 44, 52, 50, 30, 44, 14, 24, 36, 46, 44, 26, 14, 36, 42, 4, 14, 38, 44, 28, 52, 30, 16, 24, 48, 24, 26, 16, 36, 46, 44, 18, 36, 26, 40, 24, 26, 44, 24, 42, 28, 4, 24, 48, 46, 38, 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44, 18, 26, 16, 36, 48, 24, 12, 26, 14, 36, 26, 28, 4, 38, 44, 52, 46, 24, 10, 44, 18, 52, 26, 46, 24, 10, 44, 18, 52, 26, 46, 24, 10, 44, 18, 42, 24, 18, 44, 10, 44, 18, 52, 26, 46, 16, 24, 28, 44, 14, 36, 28, 44, 16, 36, 30, 30, 28, 12, 28, 50, 30, 44, 36, 14, 14, 24, 28, 4, 16, 44, 30, 42, 24, 18, 50, 24, 50, 52, 30, 24, 26, 40, 36, 48, 18, 52, 48, 32, 28, 4, 32, 26, 12, 48, 32, 30, 44, 16, 52, 48, 44, 18, 14, 52, 36, 26, 8, 52, 4, 52, 26, 46, 42, 24, 18, 52, 48, 44, 18, 14, 52, 36, 26, 52, 28, 24, 12, 26, 14, 24, 42, 14, 36, 28, 44, 52, 26, 46, 44, 10, 44, 18, 4, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 38, 52, 16, 14, 24, 50, 44, 22, 44, 18, 42, 44, 48, 14, 30, 4, 44, 10, 44, 26, 8, 36, 14, 38, 28, 4, 16, 36, 14, 44, 16, 22, 44, 48, 36, 42, 36, 48, 52, 30, 30, 4, 42, 24, 18, 44, 6, 52, 28, 22, 30, 44, 36, 24, 22, 44, 26, 12, 22, 44, 10, 44, 18, 4, 16, 36, 26, 40, 30, 44, 48, 24, 18, 26, 44, 18, 52, 26, 46, 46, 18, 52, 8, 52, 16, 14, 18, 52, 36, 40, 38, 14, 22, 36, 6, 44, 30, 30, 36, 26, 44, 14, 24, 28, 52, 32, 44, 16, 12, 18, 44, 42, 24, 18, 52, 42, 52, 48, 14, 36, 14, 36, 16, 16, 14, 18, 52, 36, 40, 38, 14, 52, 26, 4, 8, 52, 4, 14, 38, 44, 16, 36, 26, 40, 30, 44, 10, 36, 16, 12, 52, 30, 38, 52, 50, 36, 14, 36, 38, 52, 10, 44, 36, 16, 14, 18, 4, 36, 26, 40, 14, 24, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 52, 40, 24, 30, 46, 44, 26, 46, 26, 12, 28, 50, 44, 18, 28, 4, 50, 18, 52, 36, 26, 18, 44, 52, 30, 30, 4, 18, 44, 52, 30, 30, 4, 8, 52, 26, 14, 16, 28, 44, 14, 24, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 36, 14, 50, 12, 14, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 14, 38, 44, 48, 24, 30, 24, 18, 40, 24, 30, 46, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 26, 12, 28, 50, 44, 18, 16, 52, 26, 46, 36, 16, 12, 18, 44, 52, 16, 38, 44, 30, 30, 48, 52, 26, 14, 22, 36, 48, 14, 12, 18, 44, 52, 46, 24, 50, 34, 44, 48, 14, 36, 14, 18, 44, 52, 30, 30, 4, 16, 12, 48, 32, 16, 52, 26, 46, 36, 14, 16, 44, 18, 36, 24, 12, 16, 30, 4, 16, 14, 18, 52, 36, 26, 16, 28, 4, 50, 18, 52, 36, 26, 14, 24, 14, 18, 4, 16, 24, 38, 52, 18, 46, 14, 24, 36, 28, 52, 40, 36, 26, 44, 16, 24, 28, 44, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 36, 30, 30, 26, 44, 10, 44, 18, 50, 44, 52, 50, 30, 44, 14, 24
5/14/19
36 28-52-4 50-44 36-26 30-24-10-44 16-38-36-14
???
36, 10, 44, 52, 30, 8, 52, 4, 16, 48, 24, 28, 22, 36, 30, 44, 46, 28, 4, 8, 18, 36, 14, 36, 26, 40, 36, 26, 14, 24, 16, 44, 48, 18, 44, 14, 22, 52, 40, 44, 16, 46, 24, 48, 12, 28, 44, 26, 14, 16, 52, 26, 46, 26, 24, 14, 44, 50, 24, 24, 32, 42, 36, 30, 44, 16, 24, 26, 28, 4, 48, 24, 28, 22, 12, 14, 44, 18, 36, 30, 30, 22, 52, 16, 14, 44, 16, 24, 28, 44, 38, 44, 18, 44, 44, 10, 44, 18, 4, 24, 26, 48, 44, 36, 26, 52, 8, 38, 36, 30, 44, 50, 12, 14, 44, 10, 44, 26, 36, 10, 44, 30, 24, 16, 14, 28, 24, 16, 14, 24, 42, 14, 38, 44, 28, 52, 14, 14, 38, 36, 16, 22, 24, 36, 26, 14, 36, 8, 36, 16, 38, 36, 48, 24, 12, 30, 46, 18, 44, 52, 46, 44, 10, 44, 18, 4, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 36, 46, 44, 10, 44, 18, 8, 18, 36, 14, 14, 44, 26, 24, 26, 28, 4, 48, 24, 28, 22, 12, 14, 44, 18, 50, 12, 14, 36, 26, 44, 10, 44, 18, 18, 44, 52, 30, 30, 4, 48, 52, 18, 44, 46, 14, 24, 14, 52, 32, 44, 40, 24, 24, 46, 48, 52, 18, 44, 24, 42, 36, 14, 36, 14, 16, 48, 18, 52, 2, 4, 38, 24, 8, 14, 38, 44, 24, 30, 46, 44, 18, 4, 24, 12, 40, 44, 14, 14, 38, 44, 28, 24, 18, 44, 4, 24, 12, 8, 52, 26, 14, 14, 24, 32, 26, 24, 8, 28, 24, 18, 44, 52, 50, 24, 12, 14, 14, 38, 44, 22, 44, 18, 16, 24, 26, 4, 24, 12, 12, 16, 44, 46, 14, 24, 50, 44, 44, 10, 44, 26, 32, 26, 24, 8, 36, 26, 40, 14, 38, 36, 16, 18, 36, 40, 38, 14, 26, 24, 8, 36, 8, 24, 12, 30, 46, 26, 14, 50, 44, 50, 24, 14, 38, 44, 18, 44, 46, 36, 42, 36, 30, 24, 16, 44, 44, 10, 44, 18, 4, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 36, 28, 40, 24, 36, 26, 40, 14, 24, 48, 24, 28, 22, 36, 30, 44, 38, 44, 18, 44 36, 42, 4, 24, 12, 52, 48, 14, 12, 52, 30, 30, 4, 14, 24, 24, 32, 14, 38, 44, 14, 36, 28, 44, 14, 24, 46, 44, 48, 24, 46, 44, 14, 38, 36, 16, 52, 26, 46, 18, 44, 52, 46, 36, 14, 36, 28, 44, 28, 50, 52, 18, 18, 52, 16, 16, 44, 46
???
36, 46, 24, 26, 14, 32, 26, 24, 8, 8, 38, 4, 50, 12, 14, 38, 52, 10, 36, 26, 40, 14, 24, 46, 36, 40, 46, 44, 44, 22, 14, 24, 42, 36, 26, 46, 16, 36, 14, 44, 16, 30, 24, 26, 40, 42, 24, 18, 40, 24, 14, 14, 44, 26, 52, 50, 24, 12, 14, 52, 26, 46, 24, 26, 30, 4, 52, 10, 52, 36, 30, 52, 50, 30, 44, 50, 4, 52, 18, 48, 38, 36, 10, 44, 28, 52, 32, 44, 16, 28, 44, 16, 24, 12, 26, 50, 44, 30, 36, 44, 10, 52, 50, 30, 4, 16, 52, 46, 36, 14, 16, 16, 24, 48, 24, 24, 30, 50, 12, 14, 16, 24, 16, 52, 46, 52, 14, 14, 38, 44, 16, 52, 28, 44, 14, 36, 28, 44, 14, 24, 28, 44, 50, 12, 14, 14, 24, 50, 44, 42, 52, 36, 18, 36, 52, 30, 16, 24, 40, 44, 14, 16, 52, 46, 52, 50, 24, 12, 14, 14, 38, 18, 24, 8, 36, 26, 40, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 16, 52, 8, 52, 4, 52, 26, 46, 26, 24, 14, 16, 44, 26, 14, 36, 28, 44, 26, 14, 52, 30, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 16, 36, 14, 16, 52, 48, 14, 12, 52, 30, 40, 52, 18, 50, 52, 40, 44, 14, 38, 52, 14, 28, 52, 32, 44, 16, 28, 44, 16, 52, 46, 46, 44, 16, 14, 36, 16, 14, 36, 30, 30, 46, 24, 36, 14, 24, 42, 48, 24, 12, 18, 16, 44, 36, 46, 24, 26, 14, 38, 24, 52, 18, 46, 36, 14, 36, 26, 28, 4, 18, 24, 24, 28, 50, 12, 14, 14, 38, 18, 24, 8, 36, 26, 40, 36, 14, 52, 8, 52, 4, 28, 52, 32, 44, 16, 28, 44, 16, 52, 46, 36, 32, 26, 24, 8, 46, 44, 44, 22, 46, 24, 8, 26, 36, 14, 16, 26, 24, 14, 16, 44, 26, 14, 36, 44, 26, 14, 50, 12, 14, 34, 12, 16, 14, 14, 38, 36, 26, 32, 36, 26, 40, 52, 50, 24, 12, 14, 14, 38, 36, 16, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 24, 26, 30, 4, 28, 44, 52, 26, 14, 14, 24, 50, 44, 12, 16, 44, 46, 52, 26, 46, 14, 38, 18, 24, 8, 26, 52, 8, 52, 4, 8, 36, 14, 38, 24, 12, 14, 52, 16, 44, 48, 24, 26, 46, 14, 38, 24, 12, 40, 38, 14, 28, 52, 32, 44, 16, 28, 44, 42, 44, 44, 30, 16, 24, 28, 44, 32, 36, 26, 46, 24, 42, 8, 52, 4, 8, 44, 26, 44, 10, 44, 18, 18, 44, 28, 44, 28, 50, 44, 18, 52, 30, 30, 14, 38, 44, 14, 38, 36, 26, 40, 16, 8, 44, 14, 38, 18, 24, 8, 52, 8, 52, 4
???
16, 12, 48, 32, 16, 14, 38, 52, 14, 36, 30, 36, 32, 44, 52, 18, 14, 52, 16, 28, 12, 48, 38, 52, 16, 36, 46, 24, 44, 10, 44, 18, 4, 24, 26, 44, 16, 40, 18, 36, 30, 30, 44, 46, 36, 14, 36, 26, 14, 24, 28, 44, 14, 38, 52, 14, 40, 24, 36, 26, 40, 36, 26, 14, 24, 52, 18, 14, 8, 24, 12, 30, 46, 50, 44, 52, 28, 36, 16, 14, 52, 32, 44, 52, 26, 46, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 38, 44, 30, 22, 50, 12, 14, 50, 44, 30, 36, 44, 10, 44, 14, 38, 44, 28, 36, 48, 52, 26, 14, 46, 36, 16, 52, 40, 18, 44, 44, 8, 36, 14, 38, 14, 38, 44, 28, 14, 38, 24, 12, 40, 38, 36, 14, 16, 52, 16, 12, 22, 44, 18, 48, 24, 28, 22, 44, 14, 36, 14, 36, 10, 44, 42, 36, 44, 30, 46, 36, 46, 38, 52, 14, 44, 14, 24, 8, 24, 18, 32, 42, 18, 44, 44, 30, 52, 26, 48, 44, 52, 26, 46, 36, 28, 26, 24, 14, 14, 38, 44, 50, 44, 16, 14, 50, 12, 14, 36, 42, 36, 26, 46, 28, 4, 16, 44, 30, 42, 48, 18, 44, 52, 14, 36, 26, 40, 52, 18, 14, 36, 26, 16, 14, 44, 52, 46, 24, 42, 16, 14, 12, 46, 4, 36, 26, 40, 36, 26, 16, 14, 44, 52, 46, 24, 42, 46, 24, 36, 26, 40, 8, 24, 18, 32, 52, 26, 46, 36, 26, 48, 30, 52, 16, 16, 48, 24, 26, 16, 14, 52, 26, 14, 30, 4, 52, 18, 14, 36, 16, 26, 24, 14, 52, 26, 46, 26, 44, 10, 44, 18, 8, 36, 30, 30, 50, 44, 8, 24, 18, 32, 14, 24, 28, 44, 36, 34, 12, 16, 14, 30, 24, 10, 44, 36, 14, 14, 38, 36, 16, 16, 12, 48, 32, 16
???
42 18 12 48 4 52 28 52 14 4 28 20 26 52 14 20 16 18 42 40 48 20 42 18 28 12 20 40 14 44 30 30 52 42 32 28 32 40 42 34 12 32 34 26 12 20 28 12 4 30 20 10 32 16 12 42 20 42 18 4 38 10 42 32 6 12 26 20 12 46 12 28 52 14 4 28 20 26 52 48 32 44 26 10 16 12 42 28 4 10 4 42 28 12 14 32 38 40 32 28 12 32 14 42 18 12 42 18 20 30 16 40 42 18 4 42 42 18 12 52 10 32 20 10 16 32 20 30 42 32 10 12 34 42 18 6 44 42 20 14 40 32 28 12 32 30 12 4 8 42 44 4 26 26 52 10 12 8 38 52 34 42 12 10 42 18 20 40 20 48 32 44 26 10 30 42 48 4 30 42 42 18 12 28 24 30 32 48 20 30 16 4 30 52 48 4 52 20 42 40 18 4 38 10 14 32 38 28 12 42 32 30 32 42 6 12 44 34 40 12 42 48 18 12 30 34 12 32 34 26 12 26 4 44 16 18 20 16 44 12 40 40 14 38 32 28 42 18 12 20 38 34 12 38 40 34 12 8 42 20 46 12 20 42 40 14 44 30 30 52 6 44 42 8 4 30 42 52 32 44 44 40 12 52 32 44 38 6 38 4 20 30 14 32 38 4 28 20 30 44 42 12